The Future Freaks Me Out

HELLO!

All seven of my devoted readers have lamented my lack of recent entries, but DON'T WORRY, FOLKS! I'm back from an absolutely fabulous, not in the least bit mediocre trip to Catalina Island, off the coast of Los Angeles, and I have many stories of Franzia fests and games of Cards Against Humanity to tell. Probably not in a blog post, but if you know me personally, just ask me. Or, if you don't know me, attempt to send me a message with your mind, and perhaps I will respond.

Catalina Island, baby! Photo courtesy of Emma Alterman

Anyhoo.

I managed to make it home for approximately two and a half days, and during one of my lovely lounging hours on the couch in my parents' living room, my baby sis and I caught the end of the movie Accepted. Some of you might remember Accepted, a 2006 summer flick starring Justin Long. It's that one about a kid who gets rejected from every school he applies to, so he starts his own college. It wasn't exactly an Oscar contender, but Lewis Black was in it, and it was funny. Sort of. Almost funny.

I saw Accepted in theaters the summer it came out, which was the summer before my senior year of high school. I hadn't started applying to schools yet, but the stress was starting. The film was terrible, but it spoke to me in the way those films accidentally tend to do. Also, it pumped me up for the life of freedom that lay ahead.

This time around, though, the message of college applications "rejecting rejection" wasn't what caught my attention. It was the penultimate line, in which Lewis Black - playing the dean of the made-up college - gives an orientation speech to new students, that hit me right where it hurts.

"College is the greatest four years of your life," he said. "And after that, you're f****d."

Dear god. Someone give me a job.

Lady Rap Keeps It Real

The '80s were probably mediocre years at best - stock market crashes, Reaganomics, Van Halen - but hey, the decade hosted my birth, and it played home to this fantastic little ditty right here.

We watched this in my How to be a Marxist class (or, as it's technically called, the Anthropology of Mass and Popular Culture), and I have to say, it's pretty inspiring. Gets my inner feminist all tingly, and makes me want to stage a rap battle. Plus, there's an old school subway car involved, which is always a win.

When one of my roommates heard this blasting from my speakers, she asked if I was listening to Justin Bieber.

Joie pour le monde.

Is it Too Late to Ask for My Tuition Back?

According to this illustrious piece of journalism, there will be about one million new openings for "middle-skill" jobs by 2018. Middle-skill, according to the article, means no college degree. Dental hygienists, who apparently fall into this middle-skill spectrum, will be expected to make median annual earnings of $65,160.

My expected median annual earnings next year, by the way, are approximately $0.

But it's okay, guys. I got to spend four years learning how to critically analyze three passages about artwork in Jane Eyre. There's no price on that kind of knowledge.

(Photo stolen from allhealthcaremonster.com)

Bolt Bus Fail Blog

This probably has more to do with utter failure than simple mediocrity, but a few days ago, a bunch-O news sites mentioned that a Bolt Bus driver got pulled over for drunk driving en route to Baltimore from New York. More importantly, über-hip writer/purveyor of mediocrity Tao Lin happened to be on board this particular bus, keeping his concerned Twitter followers calm and updated in 140 characters or less. Quelle disastro! Luckily, everyone is safe and sound, and we can expect more novellas name dropping American Apparel in the future.

In other news, it turns out I can't get a Mark Zuckerberg action figure after all. O, cruel world.

Photo of Tao Lin courtesy of thegothamist.com, though I should mention they don't know I took it.

Presto, Blog-o

Hello, blog-o-sphere.

After many, many failed attempts at creating an online opus containing all my hopes, dreams and aspirations, I have launched this as my future claim to fame.

What will I write about?

Well, first and foremost, there will be few to no documentations of the first two items noted in my blog's title. I'm a big Chuck Klosterman fan (if you haven't heard of him, run RIGHT NOW to Barnes & Noble and purchase Killing Yourself To Live, I command you), and am ripping off the first portion of his own "low culture manifesto," Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs.

There will, however, be quite a bit of information following my own pursuit of mediocrity, as I navigate the fun future working world ahead of me, pre- and post- my impending college graduation. Or something like that. Unclear.

I mean, hey. All the other kids are doing it!

See y'all on the flipside.

Becca