The Craigslist (Time)Killer

One of the least/most mediocre things about being quasi-unemployed is taking advantage of the vast entertainment provided by Craigslist. I've been spending a lot of time on Craigslist looking for job openings, and I've come across some wonderful, wonderful listings. Here are some of Craigslists' most stellar recent gems:

1. Death --> "I am doing some research for an upcoming project and need your help. I am asking for written responses to the following questions. You may reply to one question or as many as you choose.

1-What is your personal definition of death?
2-Write about your first encounter with death.
3-Write about your first funeral."

2. Need Someone to Do My Dishes -->  "Pretty straight forward, I have a sink full of dishes and I'm too lazy to do them, if someone want to come over and do them I'll pay them $15, I'd like this to be done tonight, email me your phone number and I'll call you."

3.  Asian Female Braniac/Nerdy type for interview --> "I am looking for a young (18-26) asian female intellectual nerdy type to spend some time interviewing for a private project. Compensation is $25 per hour (plus beverages, snacks), several hours per week. Please send brief bio and pic."

4. $575 Decent Room4Rent Util. Incl Clean Responsible Working Females/Male...(Buswick, Brooklyn) --> "IAM A KOOL PERSON AND FRIENDLY GUY BUT MY RULES MUST BE ACCEPTED AND FOLLOWED IN ORDER TO LIVE HERE I DONT VIOLATE ANYONES PRIVACY OR TOUCH THERE THINGS BUT EXPECT THEM TO DO AS WELL N NOT VIOLATE MY PRIVACY OR TOUCH MY THINGS N GIVE ME THAT RESPECT IF YOU CANT DO THIS OR DONT I WONT ACCEPT IT NEITHER OR TOLERATE IT N WILL TELL U TO LEAVE BASICALLY I DONT ACCEPT ANY BULSHIT OR SHIT IN MY HOUSE AT ALL THANK YOU BUT IF YOU CANT KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOUR SELF OR MIND UR BUISNESS THEN YOUR OUT OF MY HOUSE AND ALSO IF YOUR NOT A ANIMAL OR PET LOVER THEN YOU CANT BE HERE AS WELL THANK YOU I HAVE A BIRD MY DOGGIE A TURTLE N RABBIT TOO BUT MY HOUSE DONT STINK OR SMELL OR INFESTED WITH BUGS OR ANYTHING ELSE AND ITS DEFINITELY NOT DIRTY SO WE MUST KEEP IT CLEAN ALWAYS!!!!! IF NOT THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT FOR YOU AT ALL!!.. Iam 420 Friendly Iam gay friendly but iam not gay at all completely straight just dont disrespect.... I also Have a 1 year old Jack Russell Chiguagua she is clean quiet friendly and adorable and cute too...Iam not asking for to much just for a clean person and not a liar that would say one thing and do and say and show another thing and way about them....Iam a very clean person and since you would be living in MY Apartment I Expect you to be CLEAN all around meaning not just your appearance and also since you would live here you must CLEAN i have to be very specific since others i had here claimed where CLEAN but where total SLOBS AND PIGS so please if you Aint CLEAN or want too CLEAN dont answer my ad this aint for you, dont lie to me or yourself..." (this just continues, read the whole thang for some real entertainment!)

5. Braid My Hair in Exchange for Cleaning Your Apartment --> "I did the big chop, so my hair is completely natural and would like to have my hair braided. If you are interested in exchanging your braiding expertise to have your home cleaned, let's talk asap. I live in Manhattan but can commute anywhere in the city. Thank you." 

God, I love Craigslist.