The other day, I stumbled upon an article discussing the sudden rise of a new Ramones-esque band. The music seemed cool and the hype perhaps justified, but one thing really threw me - the band was called the Beets.
Total Beets imposters.
Now, for anyone born before 1987 and after 1994, the name the Beets likely means very little. But for us Millenials birthed in between, the Beets are none other than the über-popular band from that baller Nickelodeon show, Doug. "Killer Tofu," guys! "Killer Tofu"! I showed the article to my roommate, who shared in my outrage.
A Daytrotter blurb from 2010 described the faux new Beets as "a band that doesn't care about too many other things...They don't like many other bands and they seem to be living strictly for their own music and the aesthetic eccentricities that can be co-opted into that." I mean, that's all well and good, and I'm all for living for the music and what not, but seriously, guys, WHY DID YOU NAME YOUR BAND THE BEETS??!! That's all I can think about. This is almost as devastating as when they moved Doug to 1 Saturday Morning on ABC and there was a completely different theme song and everyone's voice was different and I think Porkchop was a different color. THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT DISTURB AND UPSET YOUNG CHILDREN.
I mean, maybe I was twelve or so when that happened. But still. Very distressing.
The REAL Beets!
Also, what is up with that? When animated shows change the characters' voices, children notice. The aardvarks on Arthur have gone through practically seventeen different voice actors, and it's just like, OH HEY FRANCINE'S VOICE WENT DOWN FIVE OCTAVES, NO BIG DEAL. Children recognize voices of their favorite characters, and it's as if the character has been replaced entirely when the voice changes. When I went to Disney World way back when, like, circa 1993, I remember being really upset because the Belle at the Disney Characters Breakfast didn't sound like Belle at all. Actually, now that I think about it, she didn't sound like Belle because she didn't speak, and that totally creeped me out.
I'm going to stop ranting about this and go to class. But seriously, Beets. Either change your name or get your act together and come out with a hit single like this. Otherwise, you've lost me forever.
(when Doug and Skeeter called in for trivia on the radio and they didn't know the name to the Beets' first album so they said, as a concession to their ignorance) Beets me (and then that was the title of the Beets first album and they won)
(when Doug and Skeeter called in for trivia on the radio and they didn't know the name to the Beets' first album so they said, as a concession to their ignorance) Beets me (and then that was the title of the Beets first album and they won)
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